Posted on Sunday, May 20, 2007 at 8:20 pm by Josh

Sorry for the considerable delay in comic-ing this week, folks. I just finally got all my shit moved into my new house.

That is to say, my new house with AMAZING INTERNET! I don't know if they started making the internet faster recently by using bigger pipes or inter-trucks or whatever, but I can all of a sudden watch streaming video without it buffering every one seconds, and download MULTIPLE megabyte files without having to wait all night.

In actuality, I suspect that the "high speed" satellite Internet I was using at my old house had been gradually slowing over the past several months so that I wouldn't notice the sub-56k modem velocities. Presumably, this tactic would be safer, as the data-laser that was shot at my computer from space would have a smaller chance of melting passing commercial jets. However, even the simplest of web sites loaded so agonizingly slow that I think I was starting to slow down my brain to compensate, resulting in hazardous states of "molasses-brain." I would sort of curl up in a ball and induce a state of E-hibernation in which I was neither sleeping nor awake, existing in a purgatory in which I would intermittently awake to click on a link or examine a few more pixels of an image or watch a few more seconds of an episode of "saul of the mole men" before returning to a state of mental nothingness.

The long and short of it is this: Wild Blue satellite internet is utter bullshit and nobody should use it. A more satisfactory alternative would be to apply brake fluid to one's face, or to trap oneself in a tool-shed full of deadly, deadly bees.

 

 

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